It's Been a While, Time to Ramble

Wow, so my last post was in the beginning of January. So much for keeping up with this blog huh? Haha. Blogging and journaling aren't my strongest area obviously. I think though, I put too much pressure on myself to make meaningful, interesting posts and that's what makes me stop. I think, well who is going to even read this and find it inspiring? I really should just be writing for myself, and if others want to join in then they are more than welcomed. This year so far has been an amazing one, and somehow there's only a few more months left already. Time really flies as you get older and I'm always just trying to hold onto it all. I'm afraid of losing my past and I find myself worrying too much about the future and what it may hold.

I think from now on I'll just write when I feel like I need to put something down. Whether it's just something that happened that day or week, or if it's something I really want others to see. I don't want to be a person who is always trying to make things perfect for others. If I write from my heart and with pure intentions then the people will come on their own. The same goes from my Youtube channel. I worry so much about what I post, is it good enough? Will it get views, comments, likes? I shouldn't live like that, it isn't the right way to go about things. Even now I'm just rambling but it feels good, it feels like me. These thoughts are coming from my own head and now they're down somewhere.

2018 so far has been full of a lot of personal growth. I started volunteering at a wolf sanctuary close by which is amazing. For anyone who might still be reading, I want to me a wolf biologist in the future. This opportunity to volunteer pretty much fell into my lap, so I think I should take that as a sign that I'm headed in the right direction. There may even be opportunity soon to start getting paid a small salary which is incredibly exciting. I've grown so attached to the pack, human and wolf. They're all so loving and have really helped me come out of my shell more. I get to meet people on a weekly basis, talk to them about wolves and answer their questions which I never thought I would be able to do. My name on here in the girl who is introverted, which still rings true. Many think that introverted just means shy, but that's not quite right. I can talk to people, have a great time around them even. But it does drain me as I have to sometimes put a lot more effort into it and once I get home I'm ready to crash as extroverted people gain energy from being around others.

Either way though it's been really good, even school isn't so bad. The one thing though that makes me upset is all the useless classes these colleges make you take that you won't have to use once you get to the field you're going for. When will I ever use Geometry and Trigonometry when I'm a wolf biologist? Probably never, and yet I have to waste my time doing them before I can move onto classes I actually want to take. To be honest, I wouldn't mind just working at the wolf sanctuary forever. That's really my end goal, is to have my own sanctuary and if I keep working there, who knows, I may one day own it. I'm getting ahead of myself though and I don't want to seem arrogant because there's plenty more qualified people out there to run it. I've just really found a place that feels like I belong and I get so excited thinking about it. Either way I think this is a long enough post for now, especially for just coming back many months later. It's been a good year so far and I'm excited to see what is to happen yet. If someone out there is reading this right now, thank you. I really appreciate it and I hope you're in a good place in your life right now or that you'll get there soon.

First Project of the New Year

The new year is quickly moving along, second week already?? My mom and i have been very slowly renovating our house, and it really has been a slow journey. But, to quick start the new year we decided to make our own butcher's block/ baker's cabinet for our kitchen. We went to Lowe's and started looking at cabinets; we had planned everything out before hand so we knew which ones we wanted. We actually had to go to another Lowe's because the one closest to us didn't have them. After loading those onto the cart we found out that the counter we needed couldn't be cut so we were kind of stumped on that one. Obviously we can't just put cabinets in without a counter top! So my mom had the idea to just get a big slab of wood cut to fit the top so we went to the lumber section. By some fate, we found two blocks of wood that were the EXACT size that we needed, no cutting required, it was amazing. Feeling triumphant, we loaded everything into her car and headed home. We got some pegs as well to hold the slabs together. First we got the cabinets out and started with the painting. The cabinets in our kitchen are a blue, and luckily we still had some paint leftover from those so we didn't have to buy anymore.

We bought two, and were planing on putting them together, the wood slabs holding them in place. This way one side could be used fro spices and oils, then the other side for my baking things. Paint went on smoothly and we left them to dry in the sun.

After they dried, we put the hardware on and got some to match our other cabinets, luckily Lowe's actually had them! I took a picture of how everything was going to look when together, though the slabs aren't actually put together yet.

The wood gave us a little bit of trouble because we had to make sure they lined up perfectly while drilling, and a couple of the holes were slanted so the pegs wouldn't go in. It wasn't too difficult though to just drill again, but going in straight that time. Then we sanded it down and put on C clamps while the wood glue dried.

Next, we moved everything into the space we made for it and there my mom and I glued the wood onto the cabinets and also screwed them in. Let me tell you, trying to fit into the smaller cabinet was really tough haha. It fit so nicely with the rest of our kitchen and we loved it!

All that was left was to add a liner to the drawers and bottom of the cabinets and we were done.

I've been using it now for preparing cookies and other things. The first project of the year and it went so nicely! In total, we did it on the weekend and cost us around $200, which is so much cheaper than it would have been to buy one in the store. Plus, this way we get to feel a lot better about putting together our own furniture.

Let me know what you think, and if you have any projects planned for this new year!

Things to Think About for the New Year

So, we're not quite at the end of the year yet, but it's still a good time to think about things I want to do once 2018 comes around. I always make New Year's resolutions along with many others, but they never seem to pan out. I think it's just the pressure I put on myself that ends up messing everything up. Too much pressure, and I just throw everything aside and end up not doing a single thing I wanted to. Although pressure can be good sometimes, I think I want to take a more relaxed approach to the new year. I want to meet goals, but also tell myself that it's okay if I don't reach them right away. So here's what I'm thinking about for the new year.

First, is a big one. I'm known for being introverted, I've built my channel on that as well as this blog. And I forever will be introverted, nothing is going to suddenly make me into some extroverted, outgoing, leader. However, I can work somewhat on how I go about interacting with others. Currently, I'm very self conscious of everything I do. "What will they think if I do this?" "What if they reject me or my friendship?" All the "what ifs" that put a halt to me putting myself out there. No more, I want to be able to make friends at school and speak up for myself. So what I'm planning is to do some more discussion in class. Maybe answer a question the teacher asks, or even ask another student about whatever we're discussing. All I know is that I do way better in class if I have a friend, and I need that as I haven't been keeping up with classes as well as I should.

Going on with the same thought, speaking up for myself. I keep to my own thoughts a lot of the time and just accept that things are the way they are. But, when something really bothers me I never speak up and then I just keep it inside where it bothers me even more. I don't want to harbor anger, it's much better to just say what I'm feeling and get it over with. I have to say, sometimes I can have quite the temper and this may be the reason why. I just keep it all in and the other person doesn't even know, so when they do something else that bothers me I blow up on them. Just being able to live the year without keeping my feelings inside would be great.

Another quick goal that can be accomplished right at the beginning of the year is to apologize to a couple of teachers for bailing on their classes. I know this sounds trivial, but I do have guilt when it comes to those teachers that I just abandoned. One was my orchestra teacher. I play cello, and my first career path I wanted to take was to be part of an orchestra once I finish school. I was majoring in music and having fun, when suddenly I didn't have a passion for it anymore. I was skipping out on orchestra practices and wasn't caring about the others. We only had two cellists, me and a much more experienced player. So, that section was really lacking and without my contribution it was throwing things off. At the time I was doing work as an extra on tv shows and I had a job on the same day orchestra practice was. It wouldn't have been a big deal, if I hadn't been bailing on the last 3 practices. This time my teacher told me that if I didn't show up I wouldn't be able to play in the recital and I would receive a failing grade. So, what did I do? I didn't show up, and then I missed the deadline to call the show so I didn't even get to have the job in the end. Most would have gone to their teacher and owned up to what they had done, but I was so afraid of the look my teacher would give me or what he would say, so I still to this day have never talked to him again. This was about 3 years ago. I want to clear my conscience, even if he doesn't have any hard feelings about it. I want to tell him that I'm sorry for letting them all down and for never contacting him after that. As stupid as it sounds. this was part of the reason I actually switched majors, just so I didn't have to face him. However, there were other factors as well so it wasn't the main one.

The second teacher I have to apologize to is my Political Science teacher. He was an amazing one, and actually got my interested in government more. I learned a lot from him but on the LAST DAY when we had a final exam, I didn't come to class. I hadn't prepared for the essay and I had given up. I could've had a solid B or even an A, but instead came out with a C. He even emailed me after the class asking what had happened to me, but I didn't answer. I know at this point I probably sound like a real jerk, but it's just my anxiety that gets to me and I can't fail these situations head on. But starting on the 1st I want to email them and tell them I'm sorry. This will be something I can accomplish quickly.

I really rambled on there just to say I wanted to email some teachers an apology haha. Sometimes when I start typing I can't stop. But, as much as this is for other people to read, it's also for me to look back on so I want to be at least a little thorough. Something else I want to work on is my health. This is both mentally and physically. I desperately need to start taking care of my body. I don't exercise and I eat crap. I don't want to get sick, especially since I could have possibly prevented it just by eating healthier. I want to learn to cook for myself so I don't just order something or nuke a hot dog and call it dinner. That isn't going to make my into my "best self" any time soon. So eating healthier is a must. Also on the mental side, I'm going to try my best to set up an appointment with the counselor at my school. It'll take an insane amount of courage to do it, but I think I can. I have some insecurities to get over as well as find out why it is I abandon things so easily. I'm just hoping that the counselor can help me, because I have no money for some expensive therapist to ask me what I'm feeling. I just want to be happier in 2018 because that's what we all strive for, isn't it?

Smaller things would also include working on my channel more as well as my Etsy shop. Both I'm good at neglecting even though they're my only source of income. I want to build more of a community and have people like what I put out into the world. It would be a big confidence booster for sure and maybe it can make someone else out there smile and feel better about their day as well.

Okay, I think I've gone on enough with this. I'm sure there are 100 more things I could list on here, but I won't just yet. Maybe throughout the year I'll come up with some more. Thanks for reading, whoever you are out there. If you would like, leave a comment of things you want to accomplish in 2018.

Christmas Tree Decorating

My mom and I got our Christmas tree the other day! It's always an exciting thing as it really makes it feel like December. Christmas/Winter is really my favorite time of the year. I love the cold weather and everything just feels cozier because of it. Hot drinks, cuddling in blankets, and sitting in front of the heater or fireplace. Not to mention if you have a pet, cuddling with them as well! My dog Jake is so warm and he loves cuddling which is the best for winter time. So, my mom and I got our tree from Lowe's kind of on a whim. We were just going to look at them, but ended up deciding to get one right there. Luckily we had enough room in the car for it to fit!

It's a good 6 feet and it fits perfectly in the living room. I had to wait for my mom to get home from work to start decorating as we like decorating it together. We started with the lights of course, and ended up having to pick up another box as we didn't quite have enough.

Then ornaments went on next. This is the really fun part as we get to smile over our collection that we got last year. We decided we wanted ornaments with some character instead of the usual round multi colored ones. We got all of ours from either Lowe's, Walmart, or T.J. Maxx. Walmart has a surprisingly good collection for pretty cheap. Maybe $1-$3 each. I saw some of the same ones at Walmart recently so you can still get them this year.

 These are a few of my favorites ones. I especially like the fox and squirrel.

We also got this star at Walmart while we were picking up the lights we needed. It was so pretty and matched everything perfectly! We added ribbon to the tree last and then it was done. I'm really proud of it, and we even put down one of those light show projectors. You can just slightly see some of them in the background. Better yet, Jake sat down in front of it and it showed very well on his butt haha

It was a lot of fun decorating the tree, with Christmas music in the background and having the heater in the room. I'm glad that I can document it this year, it makes me wish I had started a blog long ago so I could've written about this tradition for so many years in the past! Better late than never though as they say. Many memories to be made this season! I hope all of you out there make a lot as well

New Beginnings

Introductions are always kind of awkward I think. I don't really have a certain topic other than writing about myself which seems to be kind of hard for me. I suppose I'll say that I'm 24, I'm a Biology student, and have a Youtube channel. This blog is going to be mostly for memories, but also just a general place for me to put down my thoughts. Some posts will be longer than others, but hopefully as I go on there will be someone who enjoys them other than me. I decided to start this blog because I feel I'm better at typing than writing. I have many journals that I saw in the store, thought that I really loved how it looked and it would make me write more, but only get a few weeks in before I forget them and move on to something else. So I'm hoping that since it's easier for me to type, that I'll be able to find it easier to keep up with this blog as well.

I'm an introverted girl (as the title says) and I tend to want to stay inside more than be putting myself out in the world. I enjoy reading, although for the past few years I've found it very difficult to finish a book. I'm not sure what it is but ever since I started college I fell into this reading slump. It does make me sad since I used to be able to finish a book in a week sometimes. Now, much like my journals, I have many unfinished books on my shelves. And yet, I keep getting more. Anyways now I'm just rambling about something else. This is a shorter post, but I think I may stop here for now since it's just and introduction one. I'm excited to see how this blog goes though, I'm shooting for being able to come back to read old posts and smile or laugh. We'll see if I'm able to keep up with this long enough for me to do that.